All My Affairs

I sit here at 1:00 in the morning; I just finished some work on my latest job. I’m not irritable, restless, or even resentful about anything. After running around all day and having both a late dinner and work meeting, I’m just tired!

After four years of abstinence, I’m in this place where I’m just scared of doing it wrong. Doing what wrong? Life, program, marriage, job!

Because of this program, I’ve learned to take leaps in my life. At three years of abstinence, I left a job that was driving me nuts. I was unhappy. My sponsor always asks me, “What’s the right thing to do?” Whenever he asks me, I get honest real fast. It was the right thing for me to leave my job.

I’m pursuing my dreams now. I work a lot, make less money, but I am much more aware that I have a choice as to how I look at my to-do lists: They can be complaint lists or gratitude lists.

Because of these new opportunities, I haven’t been able to attend as many meetings. That scares me. Having changed from going every day to attending one to three meetings a week, I feel as if I’m bad or am not following the program. But my sponsor reminds me of the Twelfth Step: “to carry this message and practice these principles in all my affairs.” When I keep myself clean emotionally and spiritually, food is not an issue. When I help another compulsive overeater, food is not an issue. Carrying the message means that while I may not be in an OA meeting, I live my code of love and tolerance. If I have an opportunity to be loving, caring, and compassionate, I darn well better take it.

I love OA. It saved my life. While I can’t get to as many meetings right now, this too shall pass. My heart is with my fellows, and my actions are with my Higher Power. Thank you, God, for allowing me to have the privilege of living my life as an abstinent man in OA.

For the newcomers, I’m four years abstinent and down 160 pounds (73 kg) from my top weight. As I write this, my eyes are tearing when I see that number. Anything is possible.

— Matt S.