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Daily Contact

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Looking back to my life one year ago, I would have never thought that I would be as content as I am now. In fact, I do not think that there ever was a point in my life where I felt this way.

I was always longing for something comforting, and for twenty years, food provided that comfort. I’d always thought everyone used (what I now call “abused”) food the way that I did, but I later learned that was not true. I did know that my behaviors were somewhat strange, and I was embarrassed. I tip-toed down the stairs to ensure that I did not wake my parents or brother so I could secretly eat more than half a tub of ice cream, and I lied to my parents and blamed it on my brother. I hid food under the covers when my parents opened my bedroom door. I stole food from roommates in college and hid the wrappers under other garbage. I was ashamed of these behaviors but could never tell anyone because that would hurt my ego too much.

It wasn’t until I came into my first OA meeting about two weeks after my twentieth birthday that I realized I was not alone. I heard about the experiences of others who, like me, had eaten food out of the garbage, freezer, or cabinet. I did not feel so alone or scared, and for the first time in my life, I felt that sense of comfort from something besides food. A longtimer gave me a serenity chip and told me to start by not eating any sugar for one day. I did that and kept going with it, one day at a time.

This was how I continued the rest of my sophomore year of college, and it worked. I didn’t eat any sugar for six months. But it wasn’t until I returned home for summer vacation that I realized how miserable I still was and how much trouble I had dealing with people. I finally got a sponsor, made a food plan, and started to work the Steps. I am so grateful that I actually started to work this program and came to realize my issue with food was merely a symptom of a greater problem that centered in my mind. Eventually, I even took on my own sponsee, and I am so grateful for everything that that relationship brings to me as well.

I realize that without my daily contact with my sponsee and my sponsor, I would not be able to stay abstinent. I also have learned to use the Tool of writing every day. I send over my Step Ten review to my sponsor at the end of every day and write god letters when things pop up.

It is at times like these, during a global pandemic, that I realize how much I need program. Without the weekly meetings, podcasts, and calls with my sponsor, I can easily fall into isolation and the disease. I am so grateful for this program.

— Amalia T.

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