Until I Could I am grateful to have been accepted in OA as a person who is not overweight and is a lesbian. My eating disorder began at age 14, when I became aware of my sexual orientation. The thought of being gay was so reprehensible to me that I began hiding myself from myself; I created a distraction by obsessing about food … Read More
Balanced Prescription My first OA meeting was in 1980. I was a college student, sick from bouts of anorexia and bulimia, and afraid I would not be “as sick” as others in the rooms. Sure enough, my first impressions were that I was different; I was the thinnest and youngest in the room; and maybe I didn’t belong there. During the meeting … Read More
Sticking with It When I joined OA twenty years ago, I wasn’t interested in physical recovery. I needed help with my out-of-control emotions and relationships, but I was too scared to start from scratch in any Twelve Step fellowship for emotions and relationships. I was anorexic, so I could go every week to OA meetings (instead of once a month to “open” meetings of … Read More
Different Bodies, Similar Reasoning Look for the similarities, not the differences.” How grateful I am to have gotten that message straightaway when I walked in the doors of OA. It was out of desperation that I had to do this, because the only alternative was going to be death. I came to OA looking different than most, weighing in at 42–47 kilograms (93–99 lbs), … Read More
Most of All, Hope I grew up as an only child with alcoholic overeaters for parents. For the first seventeen years of my life, I dealt with two drunken “rageaholics” acting crazy. I never knew what would happen. I walked around in sheer panic and terror, afraid my parents would divorce, afraid Mom would drink herself to death, afraid Dad would kill someone on … Read More
Sponsored Help I arrived in OA a raging bulimic, underweight, and with a self-image that suggested my body was larger than my home state. I was suicidal because I did not believe I could escape this madness of food-obsession and self-obsession. At the first meeting I attended in October 2000, I met an OA member who had what I wanted. She agreed to be … Read More
An All-In Proposition “And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone . . . the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. . . . That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th ed., pp. 84–85). When I first came into OA, I … Read More
Now I’m Learning I came into OA four years ago already knowing that the Twelve Steps work. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, and not drinking or using drugs was my justification for bingeing for a long time. The best thing about recovery is you get your feelings back; and the worst thing about recovery is you get your feelings back. So … Read More
Meltdown Medicine: Use the Tools I’m a recovering anorexic and bulimic. I have over seven years of not purging, over six years of not weighing myself, and over five years of not restricting. I’m a firm believer that, with time, abstaining gets easier. What I learned this week, however, is there will be days when that doesn’t feel true. Three weeks ago, I had a … Read More
From Loathing to Liking What is healthy self-esteem? It is self-confidence and self-respect; serenity; speaking up for myself; treating myself as well as I treat others; having faith; being present for life; taking risks; trusting myself and others; being honest; pursuing dreams; being my own best friend; making decisions that are love based, not fear-based; liking my body and treating it with love. Have … Read More
