New York City Stalkers They stalked me the length of the block, down the subway stairs, onto the #2 train, through the whole ride to 96th Street, where they got off and changed to the #1 along with me. Upstairs at 116th Street, what did I meet but those same stalking fragrances: not sweet, no, not those—the pungent ones that promised pleasures beyond measure … Read More
All of This Is Okay I’m afraid I’ll do it wrong. I’m afraid my sponsees will find out I’m a fraud. What if they don’t like me, won’t do what I tell them, or don’t become abstinent? What if I have to dedicate all my free time to them? What if they contact me constantly and I can’t say no? What if they ask questions … Read More
Closer When I Speak At my first Overeaters Anonymous meeting, I was scared, embarrassed, and nervous, and I felt very alone. Those same emotions made me into what I was that day: obese and unhealthy. Eight people genuinely welcomed me. I didn’t understand the entire program (I still don’t), but I went home after that meeting and haven’t touched any sugar since. I learned … Read More
The Still, Small Voice There is a voice that lives within me. It is calm and soothing and always steers me to the right course, even when my will wants to go the other way. This is the voice of my Higher Power, ever steady and always present. When I’m faced with a difficult decision, this is the voice that guides me. This is … Read More
Another Leap “Act as if” was a concept I found hard to comprehend. Fake it until you make it? Wouldn’t that be lying to myself and being something I’m not? I just did not get it. I had always been encouraged to do things I wanted to do, but never felt that I could. My excuses varied: I was too fat. I … Read More
As We Understood Him Before my second time around in OA, the God of my life was vengeful, punishing, unloving, and terrible. God demanded that my parents abuse me verbally, physically, and emotionally through beliefs such as “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” When I first came to OA, God was a huge stumbling block for me. OA is a spiritual program, but all … Read More
Cold Comfort Enthusiasm, the quality of being filled with my Higher Power’s presence, reminds me that I always have a choice. A recent deep freeze in my part of the United States seemed to limit my choices; I couldn’t get my truck out of a snowbank to get to my weekly face-to-face OA meeting. Glumly, I stared out at the frozen landscape, … Read More
Writing Meditation Each Tool of Recovery has its own joys. There is the fellowship of meetings, the comforting security of a food plan, and the reassurance of a timely phone call. But the fifth Tool, writing, connects me to my Higher Power in ways nothing else can. Somebody told me that prayer is talking to God and meditation is listening to God. … Read More
God on Board About three years after I became abstinent, I was driving to a meeting when I felt the presence of God in my car. Peacefulness and calm came over me. It seemed as though God was guiding my driving, there in the car with me. I shared in the meeting about this experience, and someone whom I considered very spiritual asked … Read More
A Big-Enough God When I was new to recovery, I would call my sponsor and complain about circumstances and how hard it was to stay abstinent. My sponsor would suggest that I get a bigger God. It took me a while to really understand what she meant; I believed in God, but realized I wasn’t able to trust him. Through working the Steps, … Read More