Self-Bondage and Relief I have discovered (in a year’s worth of Step work) that self-pity is my go-to character defect. I get to self-pity promptly when things don’t go and people don’t behave as I think they should. When I try to read minds, when I believe—without actual confirmation—that people don’t like what I’m doing or don’t support what I think needs to … Read More
Happy Camper I was two years into recovery when my partner and I packed up our car with abstinent food, my food scale, an air mattress, two lanterns, and our very first tent. We hit the open road on an eight-day, crosscountry trip across the southeastern United States. I’d already researched historical sites, museums, and campsites, and I felt profound gratitude for my … Read More
Heart’s Blood There was a time when I was a regular blood donor. Every other month, I would make my way to the local blood center, roll up my sleeve, and give a pint of A-positive. It was a small thing, but it made me feel good to know I was doing something that had lifesaving potential. But then things started to … Read More
Oh Baby Before I found abstinence and started working the Twelve Steps of OA, my life was falling apart in every way imaginable . . . My health was suffering from the extra 90 pounds (41 kg) I carried, and I was at risk of losing my job in the military because of my weight. If I lost my job, I would … Read More
Faith Relationship The most profound change after OA is in the quality of my relationships. When I face a challenging situation with another person, recovery gives me a moment of pause to rein in my temper, take responsibility for my feelings, and then speak and act from a place of compassionate acceptance. I’m particularly grateful for the ability to be more calm … Read More
All the Difference I have been in program for nine months. I was given the gift of abstinence on the day I set foot in my first meeting, October 15, 2015, but this is probably because I waited so long (years) to obey the prompt to actually go to a meeting. I knew no one in OA, but from the name, I knew … Read More
Out of the Spin Cycle Before OA changed everything, my life was so unmanageable I couldn’t see that I was physically exhausted, emotionally oblivious, and spiritually impoverished. At 5 feet 10 inches (177 cm) tall and weighing 267 pounds (121 kg), my body was tired; I lived in every kind of pain. I could only identify the most basic emotions: anger, sadness, or happiness (it … Read More
Smile Therapy I experimented with food for years before joining program. I noticed if I ate sugar in the morning, I was more likely to eat it in the afternoon, too, and also forget I’d already eaten some (the more I ate, the more I forgot). I noticed when I went without a certain sweet, I thought about it obsessively. When a … Read More
My Best Me For half my life, I felt like some kind of awful, monstrous presence—peculiar, pessimistic, and pathetic. I had a dark secret that even I didn’t know about, and almost every action I took was viewed as negative. At home, I was a scapegoat, and at school, I was a crybaby; but wherever I was, I always felt like something from … Read More
Orderly Direction I couldn’t believe it. I found myself bottomed out with a binge eating disorder. Calling it BED for short is appropriate, since I often took food to bed with me. I was a binge-eater, a grazer, and a midnight muncher. I ate mindlessly, grazing; my meals had fuzzy beginnings and no clear end. It was my not-so-little secret that I … Read More