Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Google+ Share on Reddit Share on Pinterest Share on Linkedin Share on Tumblr Being abstinent all of three whole days, I looked in my mirror to see if my body looked smaller. It didn’t. I was mad. “This doesn’t work.” “What a bunch of B.S.” “I’ll never get thin.” “I can’t do this.” “It’s taking too long.” “I’m doomed to be fat.” ‘I’m doomed to live like an accordion, in and out, up and down.” I stomped around a bit, then realized it had only been three days! This might take some time. Maybe give it a month? And then I had this thought: What if I approached every day as if it were the first day? All I really have is today. Outside of time and space, it is the “great now.” Today is the only day. I supposed I had to start somewhere. What if I released the relentless demands of body image obsession? What if I released the lie that thinness promises worth, purpose, status, love, adventure, wealth, happiness, peace, and contentment? Being thin does not address the emptiness that has no shape or weight or name. Even reaching goal weight can be a failure, if inside that new body is the same sinking heart. Spiritual hunger has never been solved on the physical level. I began to soften. I might have even smiled a bit. What if it can only get better from here? I only have today, and that’s a fact. What if I stayed present in this moment, stayed abstinent, worked the Steps to heal my spiritual hunger, and let the right body show up in its own time, one day at a time? What if? — Courtney B.
