I Belong

I was asked to speak at an upcoming convention and to describe my perspective as an anorexic. I was concerned about sharing some of the details of my story; I thought other members of the OA Fellowship might not identify with me because I have never overeaten or binged, only restricted and starved. As I prepared my talk, however, I realized many people in the room might identify with some of my thinking. As an anorexic, I find it’s the thinking behind the behaviors that lets me know I’ve come to the right place, and I really do belong in OA.

I’ll be honest—even the name “Overeaters Anonymous” can feel exclusive if I let it. When I hear other people sharing their stories, I don’t identify with many of the behaviors they describe, like eating bags and boxes and gallons of stuff; gaining 20, 50, or 100 pounds (9, 23, or 45 kg); or spending tons of money on weightloss products. But I do identify with their feelings of isolation, fear, inadequacy, and inferiority. I identify with the pain this disease inflicts, the emotional void and spiritual vacuum. I am fortunate we share this connection and identification that tells me OA can help; I do belong.

The Twelve Steps do not care about my size. If I choose to be thorough and honest in working them, they will deliver the promises to me, just as they will for my overweight counterparts in the rooms.

I worked hard for those promises. I used the OA Tools every day. At meetings, I listened to members’ stories, and I heard the messages of their courageous shares. I heard their fears, insecurities, and pain, as well as their joys, peace, and love. I heard about other people’s mistakes, slips, and imperfect program work. That gave me permission to be “perfectly imperfect,” which liberated me from the death-grip of the all-or-nothing, blackand-white thinking that ruled my old anorexic life.

It would have been easy for me to isolate in this Fellowship. I could have used the excuse “no one can understand me because no one else here is anorexic.” I could have made myself terminally unique. But my Higher Power gave me the willingness to look for similarities and not differences, to look past the obvious behavior of overeating and the resulting weight gain and see the mental obsession and emotional pain we share.

So if someone is struggling in this program and is feeling like no one else understands, I would ask him or her, “Do you look for the similarities or the differences?” We will find whatever we look for. Today I look for recovery, and I find it all around me.

If an anorexic can work this program, anyone can. If we look for recovery and work for recovery, we will find it, no matter how different we think we are. At least, I did. Thank you for letting me share.

— Stef, Minneapolis, Minnesota USA