Faith Relationship

The most profound change after OA is in the quality of my relationships.

When I face a challenging situation with another person, recovery gives me a moment of pause to rein in my temper, take responsibility for my feelings, and then speak and act from a place of compassionate acceptance. I’m particularly grateful for the ability to be more calm and gentle with my young children. I’m not a perfect mother, but I’m a better one because of OA. My children and husband have commented on the difference they see in me. My living amends to them is to persist in moving forward with recovery.

My relationship with myself continues to unfold in new, exciting ways. For most of my life, I’ve yearned to be a writer but could never believe anyone else would want to read my work. Recovery gives me the patience to hone my craft. I now have more realistic expectations and am willing to do the footwork of revising and putting my writing out there. Whenever I am struggling, I can look at myself realistically, yet compassionately, and ask for grace to do better. I’m learning to love and accept myself while trusting my Higher Power to guide me each day to become the best person I can possibly be.

This brings me to the most important relationship of all: my connection to my Higher Power. I grew up active in a religious tradition, but I didn’t ever feel I deserved God’s love. (Perhaps I believed in God, but didn’t believe when he said I am worthy of his blessings.) I never measured up to my arbitrary standard of what I thought God expected of me.

Food became my higher power. I turned to it for comfort, to celebrate, and in times when I felt worthless. Food was always available, and it took away the pain of not being “enough.” I pushed God out of my heart, replacing him with food, and felt emptier inside than ever. No amount of food could ever fill that void.

That was my life when I came to OA seven years ago weighing 215 pounds (98 kg). It took me several years to be willing to work the Steps under a sponsor’s guidance, but I’ve been abstinent for two and a half years and lost more than 40 pounds (18 kg). Now I’m approaching a healthy weight.

OA and the Twelve Steps have been keys that unlocked my faith, finally allowing me to feel worthy of God’s love. Each morning when I pray and meditate, I feel connected to my Higher Power. I’m filled with gratitude for the blessing of abstinence and the way recovery has rippled out to transform every aspect of my life. One day at a time, my transformation continues, thanks to my willingness to work the Steps and embrace the Principles of OA.

—Katie R., Ellensburg, Washington USA