Mysteries Solved

After two years of denying I needed OA, I surrendered. Attending my first meeting was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I was desperate and out of ideas. I had reached my goal weight with a commercial weight-loss program a year prior; at first, I thought I’d solved all my problems. But the struggle to keep the weight off was leading me straight to the gates of insanity. The weight was coming back fast, and I realized I was unable to stop it.

I’ve been blessed with abstinence since that first OA meeting fourteen months ago. Today I’m humbled by everything my Higher Power is doing for me, especially the things others seemed to do with ease but I could not do for myself.

For example, it was a mystery to me how others kept only one size of clothing in their closets. How did they maintain their size? They didn’t seem to struggle with food or overexercise like I did. With the gift of abstinence from my HP, I have solved the mystery. For seven months, I have maintained a healthy body; my weight now is more than 80 pounds (36 kg) below my top weight. I feel grateful when a pair of jeans I wore last month—or even last week—still fit.

Another mystery to me was how others kept their homes clean and organized. What would it be like to answer the door and not feel intense shame over the mess? I had no idea. As it turns out, keeping up with housework is not the impossible task I thought. What a relief to let go of my requirement for perfection.

I’m even beginning to find other people fascinating instead of intimidating. In spite of my fear, I can now attend events I used to avoid. Discovering the pleasure in social interactions—lunch with an OA friend, visiting with neighbors—has been a gift. Nothing gets me out of my head better than interacting with others.

I experience musical performances in a new way too. I’ve always loved music but could never be present for it because of the turmoil in my head. Today I am often brought to tears by live music and feel a strong spiritual connection in those moments.

As grateful as I am for these gifts, I know I can keep them only if I maintain a fit spiritual condition. By working the Steps daily, I find the promises are coming true for me. HP, please continue to give me willingness. I must take action in order to keep this way of life. Seeking your will for me is the only way I can be happy, joyous, and free.

— Anonymous