A New Love Song

In my late 30s, I got way too excited about writing songs with my church’s music director. For several months, as we collaborated, I flirted with him and got enmeshed with his dream of selling songs commercially. I’d always been overweight, but during this time I was so alight with creative and sexual energy that I barely slept or ate, and weight had dropped off. My husband, without accusing me of anything, warned me and tried to get me to stop, but I didn’t listen. I just got determined to make sure he didn’t find out how deeply I was in.

Once I came to my senses and realized how dangerous my actions were, I started over with my husband. We were slowly rebuilding trust, with God’s help. The problem was, as the months went by, the weight started creeping back. I was scared because I couldn’t stop the weight gain.

That brought me to OA. I got a sponsor and started working the Steps. My weight got healthy, but there was more: to my surprise, the Steps showed me how diseased my relationships were. As I wrote my inventory and shared it, then worked through my character defects, I came to see how codependent I was. I’d been addicted to approval from that music director, and I trashed my ideals just to please him and help him follow his dream. I’d lied to my husband about my feelings so I could keep pursuing that cheap pleasure. I felt tawdry. Literally, I had sold myself for a song.

Fortunately, the program didn’t just show me my relationship problems; it also helped fix them. As I worked the rest of the Steps and went to more meetings, I learned how healthy people behave and started trying it myself by being honest, standing up for what I value, and showing love without seeking approval.

My relationships with my children vastly improved. I went from being a controlling, anxious, angry mother to a caring parent who was willing to listen, admit my mistakes, and ask forgiveness. My kids, now adults, say that those behaviors were the best things I did for them as a parent. We all love each other.

As for my marriage, it not only recovered but grew far better than before. Because of OA, I got honest with my husband about my thoughts and feelings, and I got humble enough to accept his in return. I stopped trying to manipulate and control him, and I found out who he really is: a loving, smart, affectionate man who was ready to be vulnerable when I showed he could trust me. Now we can laugh and play together in ways we never did before. We truly enjoy each other and look forward to getting old together.

Now all my relationships are healthy and rewarding—with coworkers, friends, sponsees, and anyone. I am comfortable with myself and accepting and loving of others. Thank you, OA!

— Anonymous