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Real Feeling

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Before OA, I was falsely cheerful. I always appeared put-together and acted like everything was great. I never let anyone see me feeling sad, angry, or low energy. At my very first meeting someone shared about a hard time she was having—she even cried. I was repulsed, but others were nodding, and after the meeting she got hugs and support from people all around her. I got jealous.

Now, I can share all my feelings. Although my first response still tends to be false cheer, I can catch myself, share honestly, and show my feelings. What a difference that is. My friendships have blossomed, I no longer lie, and I have a concept of a Higher Power who loves me. I can envision climbing into my HP’s lap for a good cry or scream or mope.

Before OA, I was obsessed with food. I was either “good” for having eaten moderately or “bad” because of a binge. I even moved because I thought a different kitchen would help me stay on my diet. I chose certain friends based on how they ate. I was always looking for a way to get more willpower. I dropped some of my activities and hobbies because I needed more time and energy to diet. Instead, I ended up isolating and overeating more.

Now I can report that the obsession has been lifted. I have been in OA for twenty-seven years and it is easy to abstain from my compulsive foods and food behaviors without a “poor me” attitude. I have been restored to sanity, and now I can ask myself, “Why would I want to eat something that is poison to me?”

—Karen, Louisiana USA

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