A Tale of Two Knees

I have had two knee replacements in two years. The first time I wasn’t abstinent, but this most recent time I was. I want to share the difference.

The first time I was in rehab, I was physically, spiritually, and mentally bankrupt. I paid an acquaintance, my eating buddy, to bring me non abstinent food. I ate sugar and white flour from morning to night.

After therapy, I would go back to my room to isolate, eat, and sleep—all I could do was sleep. I had terrible mood swings. Instead of eating the good lunch and dinner sent to my room, I ate junk food. I couldn’t stop eating. I was depressed, a self-pitying victim, and on a lot of psychiatric medications. I didn’t talk to anybody or ask names. I wasn’t friendly with the staff. I had no God in my life, so I wasn’t praying or meditating for me or anyone else. I was so far away from God.

The next time around, I was abstinent and wanted to keep my abstinence. I made an appointment with the dieticians to plan my abstinent meals before I even went to rehab. God and abstinence were my priorities. My food was abstinent, my mood was level, and I was stable on a small amount of medication. I started my mornings by praying, meditating, and talking to my sponsor. I called people in OA to see how they were doing—at least eight people a day. Because I was not isolating, OA friends brought me a meeting in rehab.

I have a sponsor whom I speak to every day. I am presently working on my Fourth Step and getting rid of resentments, which kept me sick for so long. I write a gratitude list at least once a day, and I feel such gratitude in my heart for everything God has given me. I am not living in the poor me, self-pity mode. I pray before and after meals.

In rehab, I was friendly with the other patients and each day saw what I could do to help them. My priority was to do God’s work while I was in rehab instead of being so self-absorbed. I felt happy, joyous, and free, the complete opposite of what I felt the first time.

— Nancy B., Ventnor, New Jersey USA