Walking Through It

When I joined OA in 1977, our program was seventeen years old, and I wasn’t much older. In those days, the only food plan was the gray sheet, a fairly restrictive but useful way to eat. I had no idea how much to eat of what, until a practical food plan gave me a map. I called in my food every day to my sponsor, and weighed and measured my food for years. I eventually changed my food plan to something with a little more flexibility, adapted from the Dignity of Choice pamphlet (now A New Plan of Eating). I have been abstinent since 1979, one day at a time, a little over thirty-six years. I am so grateful for the practical Tools of OA, as well as the wonderful spiritual way of life we have. And the Fellowship! Where would we be without each other?

Because of the program and the Twelve Steps, I was able to graduate from college. I went from being lost and directionless because of the disease to graduating with honors within a year of joining OA. With the help of a Higher Power and OA, I had the chance to attend graduate school.

I was also able to walk through the death of both of my parents, one of which was by suicide. During that experience, I had many days when it was hard just to breathe. I have dealt with my share of mind-numbing depression in recovery, but there is always a way to walk through it. Staying away from the food is the number one thing I can do to prevent depression from becoming worse—just for today, no bingeing, barfing, grazing, or starving.

In recovery, I get to learn about relationships; I have also been able to travel, explore, and develop my creativity. I am now a homeowner, something that has my Higher Power’s fingerprints all over it.

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. During the course of the fairly gruesome treatment, I was told to eat whatever and whenever I wanted. The problem is that I am not a person who can eat anything, any time—that I proved before coming to OA. So, with the help of a dear friend in the program, I had someone bring all my groceries to me. Every day I made three healthy, simple, balanced meals. It was a very intimate and sweet process to have someone seeing every single thing I ate. It worked, and I was most grateful for the simplicity and wonderful strength of OA and my blessed program friends.

I like to remember two suggestions for recovery: get in the lifeboat and stay in the lifeboat. With OA’s help and a loving and living Higher Power, I can do that. Being abstinent today, and doing the simple things OA asks, keeps me coming back. This gives me the ability to walk through the sunniest or very darkest times, abstinently and never alone.

— Jean