The Day’s Help

My life has been changed by Step Eleven.

My whole life, I’d been searching for connection with God and had a desire to do his will. (My Higher Power is God, but as you read this, fill in your name for your Higher Power and use the pronouns that work for you.) But I was unable to connect to God or feel certain that I was doing his will until I worked our precious Steps. Working these Steps has opened the doors to God for me, and I have confidence now that I’m doing his will in my daily life. This is a miracle.

How can I be sure I am doing his will? I ask! Every morning and several times throughout the day. The instructions in the Big Book (pp. 86–88) are so clear and simple, and they work. In my morning prayer time, I ask God to divorce my thinking from selfish, self-seeking, and dishonest motives. I ask that, all throughout the day, he show me what the next right thought or action should be. Then I pray for the removal of whatever defects are glaring at the time. Always I say, “God, remove my selfishness and direct me to what you would have me do or be.” For someone who had spent her whole life thinking her best asset was her unselfishness, it was a rude awakening to discover how truly selfish I am. Asking for daily removal of this is necessary for me.

The one-day-at-a-time way of life has truly changed mine. I am profoundly grateful. I ask for help in this day only, and I receive that help without fail. Some days, I have to work hard to receive the help. There are days I need to reach out to five or more people. There are days I’m on my knees a lot. There are days I need to nap to escape from myself. But always a path is shown to me if I seek it.

Recently when I was having a bad day, my sponsor shared that she goes to God and talks to him about her frustrations and irritations. I’d typically run from God. I didn’t want to bother him with the little things, for instance, when I’ve been driving around for twenty minutes trying to find where my daughter is supposed to go because the directions aren’t clear. Or when my six-year old says “Mom, . . .” and asks the same thing twenty times in a row. Or when I don’t plan enough time and am stuck in construction while trying to get to work. These trivialities seem like things I should be able to handle on my own. However, I am willing to do whatever my sponsor suggests. So, this past week, I’ve been running to God in all things. It has helped me, and I believe it will continue to make my relationship with God stronger.

As an addict, I am acutely aware of my constant desire to seek something outside myself to fill me. Even with the food put down, I still catch myself looking to be filled with other things or other people. When I observe this, I stop and ask God for help. I acknowledge the emptiness in my soul and ask God to fill it. This is new for me, but I have faith that as I continue to ask, he will continue to fill.

Always, I must remember that God gives me what I need for this day only. I have struggled for years in the program with abstinence and relapse. This time around, I really wanted a guarantee from God that this is it, that I’ve finally “arrived” at long-term abstinence. But it doesn’t work like that. Recognizing this has really helped me live one day at a time. God will give me what I need to abstain today. I don’t get tomorrow’s strength today. But I do know that if I do what I did yesterday, walking closely with conscious contact with God, I will get the gift of abstinence—just for today.

Thank you, God. Thank you, OA. Thank you, my fellows.

— Dorothy A., Anoka, Minnesota USA