Back from Relapse

I am a grateful, recovering anorexic, exercise bulimic, and food addict. I have four wonderful years of abstinence. I came to OA in 1996, and by 2002 I thought I had graduated. I stopped going to meetings, making my calls, and writing down my food.

I suffered through two years of relapse—starving my body, mind, and spirit—and came back in 2004. The relapse would have taken my life if I had not known about OA. Coming back from relapse was one of the toughest things I have ever done. My willingness was low, but I picked up the phone and called a number I had saved from a few years back. When the woman answered the phone, I was shocked to learn she was still abstinent and still in OA. That angel has been my sponsor for the past four years, and my life has changed in many ways.

Before OA, I was a selfish, fearful, and angry woman who cared only about starving myself and exercising so I wouldn’t gain an ounce. I was preoccupied with food, scales, and burning calories. I held down a job, became a mother for the first time, and felt I had it all together. So what if I isolated and ate tons of low calorie food in hiding?

So what if I made excuses not to see my friends or family so I could exercise? So what if I took laxatives, spent hours in the bathroom, and was constantly impatient and angry? What was wrong with that? I cared only about myself and making sure I got what I wanted.

OA and the Twelve Steps have given me a life beyond my wildest dreams. The promises are coming true for me every day. I have days when I’m down, upset, angry, or fearful, but thanks to God and the Twelve Steps, I know these feelings will pass. My daily priorities are to maintain my abstinence, follow my food plan, and practice love and kindness toward everyone.

I pray every day that God will grant me another day of abstinence and freedom from bondage to the scale, the food, and my need to control everything. I have learned to let go, practice unconditional love, and feel worthy without food or exercise. I used to fear food; it was both my lover and my enemy. Today I believe food is fuel for my body.

OA has given me the power of choice, and I try to make the best possible choices for my program and myself. I’ve kept my program strong by working the Steps. I attend three meetings a week and call my food in to my sponsor every morning. I weigh or measure everything that goes into my mouth. This takes out the guesswork and gives me freedom to think about things other than food. I make phone calls to other OA members almost every day. I do service when I can. I go to OA meetings while on vacation and see how other groups work.

I am peaceful and don’t always have to be right. I am no longer argumentative because serenity is more important to me than trying to prove a point.

Not only has OA changed my life, but it has also saved my life. Thank you, God, and thank you, OA.

— Laura W., Cherry Hill, New Jersey USA