Home Steps Amending Fear and Shame

Amending Fear and Shame

3 min read
0

Step Eight: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.


For so long, I’ve felt like I lived on an island inside a stone fortress. I lived this way because I believed that people wouldn’t like me and would eventually try to harm me. I hid my feelings, actions, and motives because I was ashamed of all of them. I was ashamed of me. In my disease, I had no integrity, no honesty, and no faith, so I could not possibly expect people to see those things in me. My greatest fear was that people would discover how truly debased I was.

I’m beginning to understand that when I make amends for the actions and behavior I’m ashamed of in my life, I’m freeing myself from a prison of self-abuse and self-hatred by taking action. The more I’m aware of how I’ve been inconsiderate and unkind, the less I feel the hurts from other people that I’ve been nursing. I don’t know why I’ve been afraid to write this amends list, and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure it out. Getting out of the food has given me a greater sense of compassion for other people. It has given me a smaller sense of myself and how I fit into the grand scheme.

More and more, I’m being asked for naked honesty from my Higher Power. I am learning to live on integrity, faith, and honesty rather than personality. My amends is part of this process. If I can face writing the list and making the amends one at a time, then I can move through some of my fear of living a life not based in defense and self-preservation. I can instead begin to act according to truth and compassion, even when it does not serve my own selfish interests.

— Edited and reprinted from The Heartbeat of Recovery newsletter, Region One, Winter 2006

 

  • Eight Other Tools

    Here I sit, self-quarantined in the middle of a viral pandemic after returning home from t…
  • Learning More Each Day

    After several starts, I found myself knowing that OA was for me, thanks to the acceptance …
  • Standing in the Wings

    I came to Overeaters Anonymous to lose weight, period. I had no idea what the program was …
Load More Related Articles
  • Low-Tech Outreach

    I am on my intergroup’s public information committee. We make flyers with a tear-off porti…
  • Available to Everyone

    Here are a few ways I carry the message to other compulsive overeaters. I print out OA’s C…
  • Radio-Active

    I was listening to a commentary about obesity on our local radio station. The commentator …
Load More By admin
  • Reach Out: Support Within

    Every December 12, OA groups and service boards around the world are encouraged to plan ev…
  • Carried Clearly

    I was recently at an OA retreat in my area with the theme “Carrying the Message,” and one …
  • Meditation and Awakening

    Like many in OA, I found that my compulsion to overeat originated in childhood. I came fro…
Load More In Steps
Comments are closed.

Check Also

Low-Tech Outreach

I am on my intergroup’s public information committee. We make flyers with a tear-off porti…