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Connection Questions

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I’m blessed with over twelve years of abstinence after a horrific fourteen-year relapse. What did I do differently? I became more honest, willing, and open with my fellows and my sponsor. No longer do I try to look like I have it all together when I don’t, because that way of thinking leads me right back into the food. I know this from experience. Since it’s my second time in recovery, I want it to last until I die.

Another thing I do now is pick up the phone and call people. No longer do I think, “Oh, I don’t want to bother anyone.” Instead, I look at the clock, consider the day of week, and six names pop into my head—people who might be available when I need to talk through a challenging situation. This habit didn’t come overnight. I worked at it, as I worked my food plan, my Steps, and my program. At first, I called my sponsor, then fellow meeting-mates, then people I did service with along the way. Some have become close friends. When I pick up that two-ton phone (oddly, the phone was never this heavy when I was calling for food deliveries), it’s helpful to have questions ready:

  • How is your day going?
  • What do you like about your food plan?
  • Do you weigh and measure your food? Did you do that right away? What benefits do you see?
  • Are there foods you eat now that you were sure you’d hate but really enjoy?
  • I’m not very creative with food preparation. Do you have ideas about recipes or food choices you could share?
  • Do you have a nutritionist or dietitian you could recommend?
  • How did you prepare for your Fifth Step?
  • How do you maintain abstinence through trauma?
  • I’m beginning to lose enough weight that people notice. It’s kind of nice, but now people are giving me advice about what to eat and how quickly or slowly I should lose. How did you handle that?
  • How have your family relationships changed since you’ve been in program and abstinent?
  • How do you handle reducing your desire to gossip?
  • My spouse is giving me a hard time about what I eat. I’m torn between wanting to please and wanting to work this program because I like who I’m becoming. How do you handle this?
  • What was your journey to finding your HP? Who or what is your HP?
  • When and how do you meditate? Do you listen to music? Do you sit up or lie down?
  • What is our region? What is the World Service Business Conference? What happens there? Why should I care?
  • What is an intergroup meeting like?
  • I want to do some service, but I don’t have a lot of time. Do you know what is available?

I know you will find some questions of your own, but starter questions always give me enough courage to reach out to another person who understands my disease.

— Anonymous, Minnesota USA

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