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Tradition 3: Desire and Beyond

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Many a member has said that if the requirements for membership in OA were more stringent than “a desire to stop eating compulsively,” they probably wouldn’t have felt qualified to be at a meeting.

Unfortunately, this unique requirement—the only requirement in our entire Fellowship—is often used to avoid being “made” to do anything else that makes somebody uncomfortable, like having a food plan, being accountable to a sponsor, working the Steps, or realizing that abstinence comes from continuous action, not just a desire.

A desire is the beginning of a process, but a desire alone will not accomplish very much in OA. The Third Tradition ensures that anyone who wants to can attend an OA meeting, but I don’t believe it was intended to be the standard to which one aspires to attain abstinence, or to effectively fulfill our primary purpose, or to insure the continuing wellness of our beloved Fellowship.

For six years, I slipped and slid. I’d get some abstinence, then become complacent and backslide. I’d “tighten my food up,” only to renege on my new commitments. I was alternately attracted to people with solid abstinence and repelled by them as rigid perfectionists who sang the shrill song, “I don’t eat no matter what.” They must have been cheating or lying, I thought, since nobody could possibly get and stay abstinent. Such was the state of my willingness to act upon my feeble desire.

My desire stopped being the answer once I realized that recovery was about taking suggestions, commitment, principles, and personal integrity. Until I understood at a deep personal level that I was different from people who ate what they wanted without hating themselves, my problem continued unabated. When I accepted the spiritual consequences of my eating, and the totality of my absorption in it, I found the willingness to convert desire into action and began to make progress. Today, after more than ten years of continuous abstinence, I sing the praises of physical recovery and service as a formula for keeping a willing OA member moving forward in recovery.

OA became an international entity because people sublimated their egos, undertook tasks that forced them outside their comfort zones, and endured extreme emotional challenges. Without diligent, daily effort, our recovery and OA’s credibility will suffer. Undertaking a difficult action to attain or maintain abstinence is a desire to be a living example of the best that this program has to offer.

— Neil R., Baltimore, Maryland USA

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