Pause and Rewind Recently, my brother asked if I could help trigger memories of our difficult childhood, so I repeated some phrases that were used derisively toward us. It made me think about how far I’ve come with those same words—some I even use now when talking to myself, but in a supportive tone instead of a mean one. I thought about the other triggers I’ve had to work through. It … Read More
Opening the Door My first bout with anorexia, when I was 30, came when I had a flashback of a childhood sexual assault that I had forgotten about. I was broken. I remember referring to myself as a rag doll, tossed to the side when I no longer served a purpose. The memory made me feel vulnerable again, and I stopped eating in hopes that I would become so physically small that I would be invisible. Treatment meant I had to dig … Read More
Nothing Stopping Me “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” (Step Two). That is all I heard twenty-two years ago when I went to my first OA meeting, and I’ve held onto that Step since. God could restore me to sanity, and he did. During all these years, I’ve never even thought to or wanted to leave this lifesaving program. At my first meeting, … Read More
Applied Lessons I came to my first Twelve Step fellowship and got sober in 1983. G-d put a lovely woman in my life in my second year of recovery, and she entered both “the beverage program” and OA six months after we met. We’ve been married since 1986. I joined OA in 1990 and have been here ever since. The topic of … Read More
Surrender and Accountability When I finally realized that my behaviors with food (overindulging, hiding, sneaking, and lying) were the same as my past behaviors with alcohol, I knew I had a problem. (Thirty-nine years of sobriety assured me that I knew a lot about Twelve Step recovery.) While my AA fellows were tolerant of my obsessive food talk, my fear and sense of … Read More
Recognition and Acceptance Do I have other addictions? It was enough for me to accept that I had one addiction: compulsive eating. Once I began working the Steps, especially Step Four, it occurred to me that I had other addictions as well. Was I surprised! As I began the “peeling” process that takes place in Step Four and Step Ten, I became aware … Read More
Actions to Keep Abstinence I was struck abstinent on April 20, 2016. I used to think abstinence was a permanent condition, but it’s not, so I work very hard to maintain mine, which is no sugar, no fast food, and no red-light foods. I eat three meals and two snacks daily. On Sundays, I select recipes, make a shopping list, go shopping, and do … Read More
Root Wound From a very early age, food was my primary source of comfort, for bonding and coping with feelings. When I moved on to college, I discovered how euphoric it could be to shop and spend with a credit card. At a time when I was restricting and controlling my food, I was shopping and spending money more freely. Once I began … Read More
The Difference Was Spiritual I joined OA about six years ago. I had been overweight and fighting late night bingeing most of my adult life, and I came into the rooms kicking and screaming. The only thing I knew about OA was 1) my mom and grandma tried it a million years ago and 2) it was for fat women. I made the decision … Read More
The Silent Engine We gather in our meetings to share our experience, strength, and hope—I hear that expression frequently. We talk about our experiences, and we share the strength we have found in program, in one another, in our literature, and primarily in working the Steps. All of this is so true and so valid. Yet, I have never—in all my thirty years of … Read More
