The Road Narrows

My twenty-ninth birthday in OA is approaching, and it is cause for renewed reflection about my program. I spoke to my sponsor a week ago and mentioned to her that I was thinking of not taking a candle this year. Other OA members on their birthdays pitch about life changes: weddings, kids, jobs, financial gain, or acquisition of cars. I was kind of complaining to my sponsor that there is nothing really new in my life.

But my sponsor pointed out something very interesting I hadn’t thought of. She said that she has watched me grow this year in more inner and spiritual ways. I had to stop and think about what she was saying. On reflection, I found she was right.

When I came to program, I already had a deep and meaningful connection to God. What I found special about program, however, was that it linked recovery from my food issues with my belief in God. Where else but OA could I have gone? Who else could I turn to who would understand the connection between my compulsive relationship with the food and my relationship with my Higher Power?

For most of my program years, my relationship with my HP didn’t really change, but over the past year, it has. While we all try to pray and meditate at least once a day, the real challenge for me has been learning how to bring HP into my life throughout the day. I had a tendency to “go unconscious” about HP, but I’ve really made progress over the past year. More and more, as issues arise during the day, as surprises happen, whether physical or emotional, I’ve been able to bring HP into the equation. Sometimes I just breathe. Sometimes I repeat a simple prayer. Sometimes I just stop and reflect before taking action. There are so many tools offered by this program.

I’ve heard it said that the spiritual road narrows, and I definitely find this to be true. The longer I’m in OA and the longer I work to apply the Principles and Tools of the program, the more I find myself wanting to get cleaner and cleaner in my life: in the decisions I make, in my endless stream of sometimes-nonsensical thoughts, and in the feelings radiating from my heart.

My road narrows, but in a good way, since I “trudge the Road of Happy Destiny” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th ed., p. 164). I’m so grateful to Bill W. of AA and OA’s founder, Rozanne S., for my own program. My life continues to grow in meaning and worth because of it.

— Randy