Thirty Days!

I’ve reached my twenty-ninth day of abstinence. Tomorrow will be my weighing day and my highly anticipated thirtieth day. I’ve never gone thirty days without weighing myself, but the experience has been interesting! It really takes the focus off numeric results and has made me realize other subtleties of physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery.

Thirty days ago, I wrote a letter to myself about how bad I was feeling and how I never wanted to feel that way again. In fact, changes are happening.

Shortness of breath was one of the first things that went away, and I haven’t been out of breath for days, not even when reading to my daughter. What a relief!

I couldn’t sit on the floor for a long time or find a comfortable position, but the other day, I spent a lot of time sitting on the floor organizing some drawers with my daughter without suffering. Wow!

My migraines have decreased considerably, and consequently, so has my use of painkillers! The migraines are torturous, so this is a great victory.

What has been very evident in the last few days is how my irritability has decreased, both with family and people at work. Before, I was ready to explode at any time, but now it seems that without excess food and junk food, space has opened for me to think calmly and either solve things with more serenity or realize that it is not my problem to solve and really deliver it to a Higher Power.

One of the biggest changes has been to really feel that when I give my powerlessness to a Higher Power, my Higher Power works for me and does for me what I can’t do for myself. This is getting me closer to God than ever before.

I’ve noticed that I can feel life in between meals. I was born anxious, so I know anxiety is part of my nature, but it is much more controlled since it is not being fed! It’s not always easy. Sometimes, I need to stop everything and identify the emotion that is disturbing me at the moment and decide what to do with it without anesthetizing with food. This process has become more controlled every day.

I feel my clothes fitting me better. Before, I refused to buy even bigger sizes, but everything was super tight and at the limit!

Attending one meeting a day, working with a great sponsor, and using the Tools of Recovery has kept me working the program. Each day I’ve learned something new. The Big Book has been the great light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing has been perfect or easy, but the changes that have happened are indescribable! I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes!

— Athena