Shining Miracles

Before I’d ever heard of OA or its Principles and practices, my only desire was to lose weight. I was tired and bloated and felt ten years older than I was. God intervened and put the words “Maybe you could try Overeaters Anonymous?” upon the lips of a good friend. I went to a meeting and immediately felt at home. Everyone was sharing my story. Everyone cared. I began getting the feeling of belonging with people who were just like me.

I attended a few more meetings to make sure this was really happening, and then I found someone who said she would sponsor me on a temporary basis. (It lasted two years!) She started me off with daily phone calls, committing my food, and working Step One. My first miracle was that I began to lose weight. My second miracle: I became honestly accountable to another person, someone I trusted. And my third miracle was finding a Higher Power and believing with my whole heart that this Power knew all about me and still wanted to help me.

As I moved through Steps One to Six, the weight was dropping off. Program was showing me alternatives to running to the food and away from life during times when I felt anger or fear. As I learned new habits, I seemed to feel my feelings with more passion and stronger emotions than before. I believe this was because I was no longer stuffing them down with food. I had opened my heart and my mind to a new way of thinking and acting, and it was unlike anything I’d known before. Everything was raw. (They told me it would be raw.) I was terrified, but I continued to  work because I believed my miracles were being formed as I was moving through the turmoil. I learned patience with myself and others. I learned compassion for all who were hurting. I learned to love others even if I did not like them.

My personality changed. My attitude changed. I could see more positive directions than I’d ever seen before. This is what I thought was my fourth miracle: I no longer whined at every turn about how life had wronged me. The wrongs had become opportunities for me to try something new and better. Life was teaching me. My Higher Power was teaching me.

Even with my new attitude and healthy lifestyle, suppressed feelings continued to push their way up and out. Some days it felt almost like a vomiting. I would run and hide so that no one could see the ugliness I held inside.

Writing was my saving grace. The more that my feelings surfaced, the more I wrote. The more I wrote, the lighter I felt. My miracles were coming together as one. I was finally letting go of the heaviness caused by years of guilt and shame. I was being cleansed. I learned to love myself enough to take out my garbage so that I could make room for love and kindness.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be, but that does not stop me from working to keep my miracles alive. I am guided by the light of the miracles that this program shines on me every day.

— Liz