Relapse Relapse & Recovery Callback I am just coming back from a bingeing relapse that started with me eating two pints of ice cream as an appetizer. I went out searching for a 24-hour grocery store at 4 o’clock in the morning on Christmas Eve to buy ice cream. I ended up at a gas station in an area so crime-ridden that there was an … Read More
Relapse Relapse & Recovery When Choice is Not an Option Over the years, I’ve heard people in our Fellowship speak about having “choices” when it comes to food and eating: “the choice to eat healthy or not” or “the choice of bingeing or not.” While this might be true for some, I feel compelled to speak to those for whom the notion of having choices does not apply. I know … Read More
Higher Power Spirituality Craving vs. Conscious Contact I’ve long felt that, for compulsive eaters, one of our worst fears is simply being hungry and having to sit still and do nothing about it. The association between physical hunger and existential void triggers the sense of hopelessness that preceded so many of my forays into the deadly rituals from which I now abstain. Its black-sheep brother, the craving, … Read More
Higher Power HP’s Child People look at me and form an opinion: appearance does influence people’s thinking. If I’m overweight, others might think I’m undisciplined, but what they don’t realize is that compulsive eating is an illness. I am a person of color who has been in OA thirty-five years. I have around a 50-pound (23- kg) weight loss. When I came in, I … Read More
Keep Coming Back Relapse One Thing Changed I have not always had a weight problem, but I’ve always had the disease of compulsive overeating. Before age 13, the disease did not show up on my body, because I was using the fuel to grow. But it was definitely at work between my ears, manifesting mentally through my obsession with sweets and other binge foods and spiritually through … Read More
Steps Never and Always Step One: We admitted we were powerless over food—that our lives had become unmanageable. When I read about Step One and think about my life—my crazy eating habits, the mental obsession I’ve struggled with—I can freely, honestly, humbly admit that I am definitely powerless over food. I have tried to control my eating most of my adult life and have … Read More
Steps Outsourcing “In OA we learn that a lack of willpower isn’t what makes us compulsive overeaters. In fact, compulsive overeaters often exhibit an exceptional amount of willpower. But compulsive eating is an illness that cannot be controlled by willpower” (The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 1). For more years than I care to remember, I could not allow … Read More
Abstinence No Guarantee but Grace I awakened abstinent today, clearheaded and present. Wow. Another day, G-d! It’s a far cry from the hangover of a binge. I call my caring sponsor each morning at 7 a.m. to commit to myself, to her, and to the G-d of my understanding my three planned, delicious, abundant meals. When I write down and prepare my meals, it sets the tone … Read More
Newcomers Me Changing Me “I’ve prayed healing prayers for people who are ill, and I’ve prayed for guidance in being able to grocery shop without buying the wrong items. My weight loss results from actions I am willing to take, not from asking God to remove my fat or help me lose weight” (Voices of Recovery, p. 318). I can’t pray for weight loss … Read More
Recovery Sunshine Ahead I began praying daily for addicts all over the world—my latest mission of the heart, but I didn’t know the compassion I was feeling for them was direct prayer for me. In the faith I practice, it was time to contemplate what I could give up. Having admitted in the past that I was a compulsive overeater, I thought I could possibly … Read More