Day by Day

She kept asking me why the pro-gram worked and was having a hard time understanding. (I remember that place!) Finally, she said, “What keeps you abstinent? What keeps you from being overwhelmed by rigidity or overwhelmed by the urge to binge? How did you and the drive to continue in the beginning?”

My response was not premeditated or edited. It came straight from my Higher Power. I said, “On days one through twenty-nine, it was the newness of the program. Day thirty, it was the fact that I had hit thirty days. Day thirty-one, I weighed myself for the first time. Day thirty-two I was still buzzing from my weight loss. Day forty-five, it was that I actually used a Tool of the program to work through my difficulties. Day fifty-five, I uncovered something so huge I actually had a hard time eating because the emotional hurt was so big. Day seventy-six, it was that my husband and kids were so proud of me. Day seventy-seven, I was so proud of me. Day 120, it was that I’d been using the Tools so much they were easier to rely on, so I wasn’t carrying so much stuff on my back and things didn’t feel so hopeless. Day 180, I had dropped a size. Day 181, I actually stopped and prayed over the oven when I just wanted to pop that extra bite into my mouth. Day 220, it was that I’d been abstinent so long I didn’t want to lose it over a stupid drink. Day 230, I didn’t feel the need to self- flagellate. And day 290, today, I’m abstinent because telling you all these truths reminds me of all the progress this program has made in my life.”