New Beginning

When I came back to OA in 2005, I was in yet another relapse, with much weight gain, physical misery, and emotional and spiritual hopelessness. Though I sat at meetings, I kept bingeing and feeling like I just couldn’t recover anymore. My thoughts kept telling me that this was too hard, that I didn’t deserve recovery, and that I was too afraid to change.

One member of my group suggested I attend the convention. I signed up, but was afraid because I wasn’t abstinent and felt so fat and alone. That weekend, I heard my story from the keynote speaker and others. As I listened, I related to the keynote speaker’s story, so much so that the pain in me rose to the surface. I sat down in the hotel lobby and found myself sobbing uncontrollably. An OA member saw me and, much to my embarrassment, came over and sat with me. The more I tried to stop crying, the more the tears flowed. My new friend just stayed with me, gently showing me compassion and understanding while offering some program guidance.

On that Saturday, I discovered fellowship, love, and my first day of being abstinent. When I left that evening, I was in awe of having one day without excess food.

When I returned Sunday morning for the final day of convention, the same OA member noticed me when I entered the room and came up to me with a big hug and a warm welcome. Again I remained abstinent as I listened to speakers and gratefully received hugs.

That convention was my new beginning in recovery. Since then, I have remained abstinent, lost weight, gone through the Steps with loving sponsors, and seen the promises gradually come true for me.

Each year, I go back to convention, serving in gratitude and listening to recovery. In OA, I have learned to cry, laugh, open up, serve, and relate in healthy ways to my Higher Power, other members, and myself. The excitement I find at conventions energizes me. I love buying the CDs from the weekend and listening again and again to OA recovery. The miracle of abstinence that my Higher Power gave me at convention continues to fill me with gratitude for the miracles that happen when OA members come together. I think of all the money I once spent readily on excess food, and then I gladly register for this once-a-year recovery weekend.

Just as I found abstinence and my first sponsor at my first OA convention, may each of you be given whatever miracles or blessings Higher Power has for you. If you have never gone, please don’t miss this amazing experience. The AA Big Book has a chapter called “Working with Others,” which states, “To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a Fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends—this is an experience you must not miss” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th ed., p. 89).

— Edited and reprinted from Out of the Cocoon newsletter, Milwaukee Area Intergroup, March/April 2011