What is healthy self-esteem?

It is self-confidence and self-respect; serenity; speaking up for myself; treating myself as well as I treat others; having faith; being present for life; taking risks; trusting myself and others; being honest; pursuing dreams; being my own best friend; making decisions that are love based, not fear-based; liking my body and treating it with love. Have I achieved all this after seven years in OA? Not quite!

However, I entered program loathing myself: my body, my eating and purging behaviors, my obsession with weight and appearance, and my inability to do relationships. Now, I like my body and myself. OA saved my life and is teaching me how to live it. I have a more than four years of abstinence (with one six-month relapse), I’m at a normal weight and I have emotional and spiritual recovery. I’m sometimes happy, assertive, less judgmental, and more confident, and I take risks that result in less isolation.

As I care for myself by working the program, my self-esteem increases. As I allow new OA friends into my life, my self-esteem increases. As I speak up for myself at the risk of losing love or being abandoned, my self-esteem increases.

When I was in the food, on the scale, or bent over the toilet, I wanted only to be thin, pretty, and happy. Gaining weight was one of my greatest fears.

Today, I still panic if I gain a few pounds and feel superior when I lose a few pounds. These feelings pass, however, as I work the program one day at a time. Alone, I was lost, insane, and depressed. With God, my OA friends, and the Steps, I am growing, one day at time. I just keep coming back. Thank you, OA.

— Laura L., Hartford, Connecticut USA

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