Balance in the Middle

I showed up at my first OA meeting because I was exhausted from trying unsuccessfully to break the cycle of bingeing on sweets, feeling awful about my behavior and myself, restricting and exercising to compensate for bingeing, weighing myself often, and eventually bingeing on sweets again regardless of the number on the scale. I ate to comfort myself when I felt sad, angry, or tired. I ate to reward myself when I felt happy or proud. I felt like it was impossible to walk into a store without walking out with a binge food.

What gave me the push I needed to enter the OA program were two key details I read on the OA website: OA has no affiliation with any religion and I didn’t have to be a certain size to be in OA. I wasn’t yet overweight, but I was unhappy with my behavior and terrified of becoming overweight. In the meeting rooms, I immediately found the hope for which I was so desperate.

I now have a network of people to whom I feel accountable for showing up at meetings, working my program, and abstaining from bingeing. I have maintained a healthy weight in program, and I feel a much greater acceptance of my body. I now believe wholeheartedly that the Higher Power of my understanding has my back and will take care of me. He’ll take care of anything I give to him—food compulsions, my weight, the behaviors of others, and my fears and anxieties. I used to live on the far end of a seesaw, experiencing big ups and downs with my emotions and compulsive behaviors. Now, I live much closer to the middle of the seesaw, a less variable and more balanced place.

I’m so grateful for the OA program and the healthier, more serene life it has allowed me over the past five years. In program, I feel hopeful about my health and serene about the next five years— and beyond.

— Liz S., Eugene, Oregon USA