More to Me

I’ll start with an example of how distorted my thinking was when I first came to OA, even with Step One: “Of course my life had become unmanageable—but how could I be powerless over food? I’m an anorexic. Food is the only thing in my life I’ve had power over.”

That didn’t sound quite right, so then I got to thinking that maybe they wrote Step One backwards:

“I’ve felt pretty powerless over my life and for me food is always unmanageable.”

Aha! Now I’ve got it down:

“Food has a lot of power over me, which is making my life unmanageable— and I’m powerless to change either.”

Luckily I found my HP because after all that thinking I definitely needed to be restored to sanity. And to sanity I am being restored.

I’m a newcomer in OA. I’ve only been in program ten months, but I’m counting on many more. In these ten months with my Monday night family, I have found so many blessings I can’t keep track of them all on my daily gratitude list. I have a wonderful sponsor whom I’m trusting with my deepest, darkest secrets as we work Step Four, and yes, she is still talking to me. Wow! I now have a group of caring people I trust who accept me just for being myself. (I even ended up with a new cat.)

Since I’m an anorexic, I don’t use the word “abstinence,” because for me, it just reinforces my disease. For four and a half years, I prided myself on being able to live on less than one thousand calories a day. While I still struggle with my eating, that person is no longer me. I’m not so thrilled about gaining 50 pounds (23 kg), but oh well. There is much more to me than just my body.

I plan to spend many more happy years with my Monday night family (and the cutest, double-pawed kitty that OA has ever seen). I’m always coming back and giving lots of my love. This program works if I work it, and yes, I’m definitely worth it.

— Kim W., Middletown, Connecticut USA