That Certain Sense

Always to extend the hand and heart of OA to all who share my compulsion; for this I am responsible.

Feeling responsible assumes first that a person has gained something; the gainer then wants to repay for that gain. When asked to write about our Responsibility Pledge, I thought to look first at what I have gained from OA.

When I came back into OA in January 2000 (after seven years of trying some controlled eating), I was thoroughly miserable and eating myself into an early grave. I asked an abstinent member in recovery to sponsor me. Thankfully she agreed, asking me to do three things to the best of my ability: attend meetings, work the Steps, and give service. She said the best of my ability would change as I worked the program. With no question in my mind, I agreed.

So what changed? Why now do I feel that certain sense of wanting to repay? Of responsibility to OA?

How it was: When I was miserable and eating like a madwoman, food was on my mind all the time. I was making regular trips to convenience stores and sweet shops, gaining weight, and feeling a stroke or heart attack was waiting for me. I couldn’t find clothes that fit; I was sweating, chafing, and uncomfortable in everything. I had childlike disappointment that God wasn’t giving me what I wanted when I prayed to be thin. I was trying various diets and weight-loss regimes and felt ever-increasing desperation when they didn’t work. I felt “less than” every other person on the planet; the hell I was in was just getting worse.

How it is now: I feel content and happy with life. I eat three planned, abstinent meals a day, eliminating my trigger foods and weighing and measuring others. I have sanity during and between meals. I live in a healthy body, having lost over 60 pounds (27 kg). I buy clothes with a sense of balance and feel comfort and fitness in my own body. And I have a living relationship with my HP, whom I call God.

As my sponsor showed me how to work the Twelve Steps, the love and respect I felt for God began to increase. I gained a new authenticity. I continue to work the Steps in everyday life: preparing and sharing my inventory, making amends, and nourishing my relationship with God. I feel neither “more than” nor “less than” anyone else. I do the best job I can as God guides me, and life, the people around me, the program, and God give me abundance, peace, and love for my fellow man.

Do I feel that certain sense that says I need to give back what I have been so freely given? To step up and do whatever God wants me to do? To carry this wonderful message to those who are compulsive eaters? You betcha!

— Anonymous

Editor’s Note: OA’s 2016 Strategic Plan includes a focus on the Responsibility Pledge. Region chairs and members of the Board of Trustees are contributing one article per issue on this theme.