Percentage, Not Perfection

When I joined OA, my first struggle was to understand what “abstinence” meant. Oh, sure, I read the definition and understood the basic premise that abstinence meant not eating compulsively, but I couldn’t tell when I was eating compulsively and when I wasn’t. I just didn’t know. So I asked a bunch of long timers, and I got all sorts of vague answers that left me as confused as ever. I realized that only I would be able to define what abstinence means to me, and I would have to do so in order to become abstinent.

I began by making some rules for myself about food and food behaviors. Then I went about following the rules, and if I engaged in some behavior that was questionable, I might add another rule or clarify an existing one. I espoused “progress, not perfection” and did not berate myself if I was not following the guidelines with 100 percent accuracy.

Now that I’ve practiced these behaviors for two and a half years, many of the rules have become habits. When I review my list of rules, I focus on the ones that still are difficult. I no longer think of them as rules. Instead, they are elements in my definition of abstinence.

I am abstinent when: I plan in advance three meals that don’t contain any of my triggers. If I intend to eat at a restaurant, I look at the menu online and choose my meal before I get there. In an uncertain food situation, I commit to choosing a clean protein and two vegetables or a clean salad. If I am not sure those foods will be available, I take my own food. I eat my meals at reasonable intervals during the day. I take only one plate of food, no seconds. If something on the plate is bad, I don’t eat it, even if it’s the only food I’m going to get. I pray before each meal and eat mindfully, not doing anything else but enjoying any company I might have. I eat nothing between meals. I don’t taste food while I’m making it unless it’s absolutely necessary. If I become confused about my abstinence, I step away from all food, get quiet, and pray for clarity.

I may not be 100 percent abstinent all the time. There are times I forget to pray. There are times I zone out in front of the television and times I get to a restaurant without having looked at the menu online. So I don’t say that I’m abstinent or not abstinent. I say that I’m some percentage abstinent, and let people ask me if they want to know what that means.

— Anonymous