These Wonderful Things

If asked whether abstinence is the most important thing in my life, I would have to answer, “Yes, abstinence is one of the most important things in my life.”

Part of my abstinence is avoiding sugar and volume eating. But when I had complications from surgery, I was ordered by doctors to eat frozen dairy desserts, drink nutritional supplements containing sugar, and eat as much as I could. I was very sick with an infection and had lost a dangerous amount of weight. In response to the doctors’ ultimatums that I couldn’t go home until I gained some weight, I ate whatever would give me the inner resources that my body needed. I did not consider this a break in abstinence.

I got better slowly and was finally sent home, where I recovered my strength. I continued my weight-gaining regimen, which included one sweet snack each day, and I realized I had to be scrupulously honest with myself about that snack. As my weight rose and stabilized, I saw clearly that I was looking forward to that daily snack so much that I decided not to buy any more of them, and I didn’t.

Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness have to be part of my life in everything I do, including food choices. I can’t afford to lie to myself, because I know where that has led me before—to relapse and misery. I now have a design for living that helps me live with honesty and integrity in everything I do.

My life and my family are just as important to me as my abstinence. Yet if my family asks me to go to some function where only sweets are going to be served, I either do not go or I eat before I go so I won’t be hungry when I get there. On cruises, I often don’t go to the cocktail hour or the midnight buffet with my husband or friends, since none of that stuff is on my food plan. If my husband gets annoyed at me, so be it. He is entitled to his annoyance, while I protect my abstinence and my peace of mind.

I’ve been in program for thirty-five years, and I’m blessed with twenty-five years of abstinence. My abstinence has changed over these three decades from “I can’t have it” to “I don’t want it.” Why would I jeopardize the good feelings and self-esteem I now treasure? I’d be a fool to exchange these wonderful things in exchange for guilt, remorse, low self-worth, self-loathing, and misery.

Thank you, God, and thank you, OA, for a life I never dreamed possible. Now I’m living that miracle life.

— Ellen C., Boynton Beach, Florida USA