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Crossing That Bridge

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I certainly was selfish. I wasn’t present to do things with my friends and family, preferring instead to isolate with my best “frenemy”: food. I spent my whole life refusing to accept I was powerless to control my compulsion to overeat, and I’d eat anything I could get my hands on—a lot.

I was able to lose lots of weight, which led to cockiness. Like Bill W. in the Big Book, I felt I was armed with enough knowledge to manage on my own, yet inevitably, I’d start eating compulsively again. My attempts at controlled eating were humiliating disasters, but every time, just like Bill, I was convinced that this time I would succeed. Inevitably, the cravings and compulsions came back, followed by remorse and depression, then once again, by fierce determination. But now the binges lasted longer and longer, and I required more food to help me cope with life. In shame, I isolated from the world. I was committing suicide by fork.

When I crawled into OA, I was told to choose a food plan, get a sponsor, read, write, make phone calls, and pray. That last item had me stumped—I had no knowledge of God, but I was told to pray anyway, so I did. I was ready and willing to believe there really was a Power that could help me, one day at a time. I knew somehow that Power was connected to my asking for guidance and help every single day. I didn’t understand, but I didn’t need to understand. Without help, I would inevitably go back to compulsive overeating and not be able to stop. So, I continued to pray. One day, I thought I heard, “Nothing is impossible.” The next day, I heard “Nothing is impossible, trust me.” I assumed I was losing my mind. The next day, I heard “Nothing is impossible, trust me. I’ve got your back.” Now, these words repeat in my head every single time I pray, and I say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” People who know me know this is truly a miracle.

I didn’t come to OA to be transformed, but to my surprise, I became like Bill W., gradually willing to walk across that bridge of skepticism to the side of faith. By finally accepting defeat and finding my personal connection to my HP, I could remain happily neutral around food. First, though, I had to get a sponsor and do everything I was told to do, precisely as it was laid out in the Big Book.

My spiritual journey was a slow one, but it did come. I just had to be patient. I honestly believe nothing is impossible.

— Barbara E., New Jersey USA

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