New-Mother Energy

When I came to OA, I was immediately attracted to the God language and knew this was the path for me because I am a rabbi and God is my business. But I struggled to get abstinent. Step One was easy, Step Two was a given, and I thought Step Three should’ve been also. My sponsor often said, “You’re a rabbi, so you’ve got an advantage!” and I believed that. Yet abstinence still eluded me.

After many more conversations, it became clear that, while I was a religious and deeply spiritual person, I did not know my Higher Power. So, my sponsor sent me off to find that Higher Power. I sat down with the Twelve Step Workbook of Overeaters Anonymous and worked on Step Two (pp. 9–15 in the Second Edition). Question 9 asks, “How do I define that Higher Power?”

How did I understand God? I realized that my Higher Power has feminine energy, like a mama bear. I wasn’t immediately sure what to call it, but I eventually decided to call my Higher Power a Hebrew name that translates to “Exalted Mother of all Life, God of Balanced Truth, Source of Blessing.”

Question 11 asks, “What would I like such a Power to be and to do in my life?” The more I wrote, the more I realized I was describing a loving, caring mother role, and that was not how I’d previously conceived of God. I was not successful originally because I had been trying to connect to an image of God that no longer had power for me. I am a new mother and have just taken over a new congregation, so I put out a lot of mothering energy. I need a Higher Power who cares for me the way I care for others.

The very next day, after I defined my Higher Power, it began acting in my life, letting me know it was there and it cared.

— Tiferet