First, I Trusted

At a recent OA speaker meeting, I was struck by a question asked during the Q&A session: “What did you do first?” My own answer is: First, I trusted that OA had a solution.

I came to OA in either 2004 or 2005—I really cannot remember because I was in a food fog. I do remember that my ritual of stopping for sugary junk food was getting out of control. I stopped every day, whether I wanted to or not. I would park under a neighborhood shade tree, binge, and throw away the wrappers before driving home.

When I went to my first meeting, I realized that the OA stories and literature all pointed to the crazy things I did with food. I needed recovery.

I got a sponsor who walked me through the Steps, including the stack of papers that would comprise my Step Four inventory. Soon I had my first OA-inspired realization: fear triggers my overeating. Since that time, I’ve learned that peanuts make my skin break out; flour makes me feel like someone blew up a balloon in my throat; gum makes my jaw hurt; dairy gives me mucous and sinus infections; artificial sweeteners make my brain foggy; and sugar puts me to sleep.

My recovery from compulsive eating is physical, emotional, and spiritual. I began with spiritual recovery, trusting that HP, the Steps, meetings, my sponsor, and my OA fellows had the solution. I’ve always had a relationship with HP. In OA, this relationship strengthened, and I became willing to be willing. Physically, I became willing to remove foods that made me sick, so I wouldn’t lose time recovering from something I ate. Emotionally, I became willing to work the Steps, use the Tools, and remain present in today. Spiritually, I remembered not to fight good orderly direction. I know HP guides me in all things big and small. I may not always be willing, but when I am, the results amaze me.

Because I’ve accepted my physical allergies, I no longer struggle with my current abstinence, which includes not eating refined sugar, flour, or wheat. As of today I’ve been abstinent 770 days.When people tell me how “good” I am for this abstinence, I tell them there is only a second before I could lose it all and get back into the food. When I am fearful, I slip into thinking that refined sugar is a good idea. For me, it’s never a good idea!

I use the OA Tools daily to reinforce my program:

• I have a plan of eating.
• I work regularly with a sponsor.
• I attend OA meetings, workshops, and region conferences.
• I use the telephone (and text and email).
• I love meetings where I can write.
• I read OA literature.
• I maintain anonymity.
• I love to do service.

In OA, I have so many friends all over the globe. I am thankful I took that first step all those years ago to be willing to be transformed in this program.

— Natalie