Recovery Normal Freedom By admin Posted on April 19, 2016 4 min read 2 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Google+ Share on Reddit Share on Pinterest Share on Linkedin Share on Tumblr When I was in the clutches of my disease, I felt so defeated that I began preparing myself for life as an overweight woman. I was only 18 and had been unsuccessfully fighting my disease since age 10. I rationalized that maybe living out my life in a fat body wouldn’t be so bad. I figured I was just meant to be extra curvy, and I could be beautiful, happy, and chubby at the same time. While I don’t believe it’s impossible to be happy and overweight, I know it’s impossible for me. I wasn’t overweight because I enjoyed a hearty meal with friends or because I was born thick boned. I was overweight because every afternoon, or sometimes even earlier in the day, I would eat until I was in physical pain. I couldn’t be happy then, not because I was overweight, but because I was completely obsessed with self and with food. I didn’t want to go anywhere with my friends, and I didn’t want to do nice things for myself or others. On a few occasions, I didn’t even want to live. I just wanted to eat and then sleep so that when I woke up my stomach would have room for more food. Today, I am blessed with a normal body weight, and I am so grateful for that. The perks of having a normal body size are nice. I like going to a pool or beach and knowing I’ll look okay in a bathing suit. I like trying on clothes without worrying about hiding something. Those kinds of perks are just accessories, though. The real prize, what I wanted most (even though I didn’t know it while in my disease), is the freedom. When friends ask me to go out with them, I don’t have to dig in my closet for an hour looking for something that fits. I don’t have to stress about getting enough to eat while I’m out and about, because I know that my HP and the new skills I’ve learned from program will keep me satisfied. These days, I hardly ever think about my weight and what I look like. It’s the most freeing experience. I still have times when vanity plagues my mind as I leave my house, but not like before—nothing like before. I can talk to women, men, superiors, anyone, without fearing they’re judging me because of my body size. Thank you OA and my wonderful HP, for my normal body size and, more importantly, for my freedom. — Madison
