Big Truth

When I first came to OA, I had no hope. I thought I would never look normal or be able to eat regular food. I was obese and profoundly depressed. In OA, I found much more than just weight loss and “control”; I found a Higher Power, a Fellowship of people who understood me for the first time in my life, and a safe place to share my feelings.

I have been in OA a little longer than twenty-seven years, and all the times I left my group or the program, my experiences were terrible. The first time, I’d moved to a new city and could not find a meeting. The second time, I left because OA meetings were so far from my area, and traffic was dense and dangerous; I was pregnant and afraid I might have a car accident. The last time I left, it was because my sponsor asked me to stop eating refined flour and sugar. I did not realize until later that I left because I was unconsciously attached to these substances. I thought I was leaving because I had found such profound spiritual growth that I could manage on my own. Each time I left, I gained unbelievable amounts of weight. The second time, I must have gained about 50 pounds (23 kg)!

Finally, the day came when I realized that leaving OA when I had a problem was never going to be a solution. Upon coming back for the third time, I heard the day’s For Today reading and started crying because I realized I had turned my back on God when I left. I left because I wanted to do things my way, instead of trusting that my Higher Power would take care of me. I cried because there is such profound spirituality in OA groups. I cried because my Fellowship has always extended a loving and caring hand to me whenever I needed it.

Ever since, I have understood that my place is in OA, no matter what the circumstances, no matter what feelings I might be experiencing. If I leave OA, nothing stands between my addiction and me. In OA, I am always reminded that I have my nine Tools and a Twelve Step program to help me recover from this cunning, baffling disease. I am not alone anymore, and I do not have to fight this disease on my own. I have OA; I am an OA member, and OA is my home.

“Keep coming back” is one of the biggest truths I’ve ever heard in OA. If I am doing well, I keep coming back. If I feel bad, I keep coming back.

— Alejandra