The Next Write Action

Fear almost crippled me into inaction this week. I’d begun a new venture but found myself catastrophizing over events out of my control. Now, I know how recovery works. I learn more each day and have been blessed with sixteen years in our program. I find solutions in my God and the Steps, and they have never once let me down. So why is it that I still creep inside myself, let my self-confidence plummet, and block my connection to God with a fear that seems as impenetrable as concrete?

My level of physical, emotional, and spiritual serenity is always directly proportional to my level of surrender. My first sponsor knew I had a stubborn mind. I thought I knew better, and I wanted control. She also knew I was a perfectionist who felt absolutely mortified if I made a mistake. She could see how my sense of self-entitlement intruded to scramble my serenity, so she showed me the solution. Along with other healing recovery practices, she handed me the Big Book and told me to read and learn. What a wise soul!

What did I do with my fear? I took action because action is the solution. I kept taking the next right step while praying for freedom from the bondage of fear. I prayed for the willingness to release old patterns of thought and behavior. I shared my fears with my sponsor, went to meetings to share the solution, and used the Tool of writing. This time, it was the Tool of writing that really began my shift back into recovery.

I sat down and wrote what fear was saying (quite strong words). I then turned my fingers over to God and wrote what I heard God telling me. And oh—what a wise and understanding God I have. When I read the words God had written to me, I felt immediately calmer and more centered. I found I had the courage to walk through this fear and keep on taking the next right action, rather than staying paralyzed in self-centered fear.

You see, God told me the truth: My fear was fiction-based. Fear told me things I didn’t believe anymore. Thank goodness God is stronger than anything else in my life today. If I am prepared to work this simple, loving program and follow its wisdom and releasing suggestions, I am strengthened and instilled with courage to keep walking through my emotions, however intensely they hit at times.

Ours is a program of action, and I am so grateful God directed me to the Tool of writing to help me work through my fear. My responsibility is to take action, and when I do, I find the serenity to continue living life on life’s terms today. My choice is to live in the solution.

— H.E., New Zealand