Negative Space

The biggest negative I have to overcome lives between my ears. It isn’t an outside circumstance or even an emotion. It is my own focus on the negative.

I learned this type of negative thinking at a young age. Complaining was habitual and commonplace in my family of origin—so much so that I didn’t realize how much I did it until I started to live with my husband, who comes from a family of stoics. He would come home each night and ask about my day, and I’d launch into my litany of complaints. I did this so consistently, he became concerned that I was seriously depressed or unhappy. Then he realized it was just how I made small talk.

In OA, other members introduced me to the concept of gratitude. Making gratitude lists helped me change my negative thinking. I had no idea I could choose what to focus on. In the beginning, I couldn’t even think of much I was honestly grateful for, but I wanted to be honest, so I’d dig deep to find something. I recall one list mentioned gratitude for living in a time when diet beverages exist.

I now do a daily gratitude list that helps me focus on the blessings of even the most difficult day. But that hasn’t completely eliminated my propensity to seek out the negative, to obsess over one thing I did wrong or one person who doesn’t like me. My sponsor is a gift to me in this regard. When I call her with these thoughts, she reminds me that negative thinking is a habit I can change, and I can always apply Steps Six and Seven to this issue.

In this area, I have certainly seen progress, not perfection. I no longer see positive thinking as Pollyannaish and phony, as I once did. Now, every day, I enjoy and appreciate the many gifts and blessings of my life and my program.

— Barbara K., Provincetown, Massachusetts USA