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Power by Committee

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Three years ago, I came in the doors of OA as a 500-pound (227-kg), spiritually bankrupt King Baby. Either God was a jerk or didn’t exist, so “whatever” was my spirituality. It was all about me and what I wanted, anyway, so why let that get in the way?

While I had no real issue with Step One, finding a Higher Power was a task. Even though I couldn’t realize it at the time, I know now that HP was guiding my actions. The people in the rooms said, “act as if,” and I did. I found that looking for a Higher Power I could live with was like looking for a roommate. I heard things like, “Make a want ad for your HP,” and I did. My HP gave me a god shot and said, “What about a pie chart?” (I’ve since learned from my child that it‘s called a “circle chart,” so someone at the Ministry of Education must be an overeater!), and the thought of a “combined committee of Higher Power” came to mind.

My mother was certainly worthy of a quarter of that chart. Her death was the start of my bottom, but she was such a guidance in my life and could be my guide in her afterlife. What about the people at the OA meeting? The group who produced that book, recorded that OA podcast, and set up chairs for that convention? Certainly, their combined spirit was worthy of a quarter of the chart. What about that voice inside my head? The one that tells me what to do and what not to do—that voice I was so able to ignore when overeating? Let’s call that spirit God because it’s a real easy mental shorthand. Let’s give it half the chart.

Done. That committee guides my actions at every turn. It provides faith when the scale doesn’t go down as far as I want. It also provides gratitude when I look back at my weight release of more than 290 pounds (132 kg). It supports me when I worry about my children or whether the car will start. When I cook for my family the foods I have no business eating, thanks to my HP committee, I have no compulsion to try them. That food is not for me. This HP wants me to serve, not taste.

— Chuck F., Toronto, Ontario, Canada

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