The Words I Needed to Hear

The very last thing I wanted to do when I came into OA sixteen years ago was use a plan of eating. I joined OA in desperation because I was working for a weight-loss company, where I had to weigh in monthly, and I could not stop gaining weight. I was trying to follow a restricted diet and could not stick to it. I felt a great deal of fear when I started hearing about a plan of eating, which I perceived as just another word for diet. Well, I was wrong, but it took me a while to find that out.

After two years in OA, using a loose plan of eating and staying away from sugar and eating three meals a day with snacks as needed, I began working with a food sponsor (in other words, I became willing). She told me that, as I evolved, my plan of eating and definition of abstinence would change. Hearing this helped a great deal because it allowed me to expect change.

My sponsor lovingly suggested that I speak with a professional and get a nutritious plan of eating that I could live with, one day at a time. I was scared to death, but she even offered to go with me. I ended up getting a referral from my doctor for a professional nutritionist.

The first time I went to the nutritionist, I told her what I was going to eat. I listened to her suggestions and gave a half-hearted attempt at trying them.

After about six months of worrying about my food and noticing I was gaining weight, my food sponsor suggested I go back to see the nutritionist and pray to my HP that the words that I needed to hear would come out of her mouth. I did that.

I went to my nutritionist and got honest with her. Tearfully, I told her I was scared to death that I wasn’t going to get enough to eat and scared of letting someone else have control over my eating. She responded in a very loving way, telling me that, if I was still hungry, we could add in some food. At that moment, the fear fell away, and I felt the willingness to surrender.

Ever since, I have been able to live within the flexible guidelines of my plan of eating. I have gone through a couple of periods where I veered off slightly and gained a few pounds, yet have kept coming back to it. I still check in periodically with my nutritionist. Thanks to her, my HP, my former food sponsor, and this program, I am maintaining a 50-pound (23-kg) weight loss and recently celebrated twelve years of abstinence.

— Anonymous