Contrary Action

I have been in program for six years and have recently found recovery. The obsession of the mind has been removed, and I can honestly say I no longer desire to use food as a solution to life’s problems. I have been placed in a position of neutrality with food, and I feel grateful to God and to this program for that miracle.

To keep my miracle, I must keep in fit spiritual condition by doing the things I need to do and connecting with God daily. The structure of my life does look different than it did before, but life still happens. I have had many negatives to overcome while working this program, including multiple moves, pregnancy, illness, and marital strife. Moving to a new city or having a new baby can be viewed as exciting, but sometimes I was overwhelmed and frightened. My negative feelings got in the way of me working my program to stay abstinent and sane.

The turning point for me came after a bout with bacterial pneumonia, which had me hospitalized briefly. My health seemed to keep worsening, and I was struggling with high blood sugar and thyroiditis. I hadn’t even turned 40. I was just so sick and tired of my life being consistently inconsistent. As long as everything was going well, I could stay abstinent and work my program, but as soon as ‘life’ happened, I went off the rails. Excuses, legitimate or not, kept getting in the way. Self-pity set in, and I didn’t have the mental capacity to take any action whatsoever. So, in a moment of clarity and desperation (which was a gift), I started attending OA Big Book phone meetings daily. I found a nutritionist and a trainer to support me in my decision to improve my health, and I kept listening to my sponsor and working the Steps with her. I started getting up earlier in the morning to say certain prayers and take a moment for myself to get centered for the day.

The most significant change I made was to start asking myself how I could be of service to someone each day. Much of the time, the service I perform is to people struggling in program. Always, my daily service includes my two little boys and my husband, whose needs were neglected when I was in my disease and self-centeredness.

I have found the quickest way to get out of my head is to get into someone else’s (a slogan I borrowed from a wonderful program member). Now, when I experience feelings coming from negative emotions and situations, I muster strength to ask God to help me take an action contrary to the way I am feeling, and I find he always makes a way for me to do so. Thank you.

— Leslie W.